there comes a point where the desire to rest overrides the desire to live and when the time comes i hope death finds you alive. until then you can find me at the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning. I carry bits of everything I've loved under my fingernails but fun fact about me i pick my nails til there's nothing but my open nail bed and skin bleeding down my palm. Not yet corpses. Still we rot.
He said, "Where you at?" I'm at the top where it's lonely. I'm in the game plus im coaching. This piece is for me. I often dream to much and I don't write enough and I'm trying to find God everywhere. I have found over the years that I owe the biggest apology to myself for no one's been crueler than I've been to me. I don't have a 5 year plan but if i did it would just be to live so fully that my future self never has to wonder 'what if.'
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your downfall would be celebrated more than your success so make it a great one. If her hairdryer was a gun she'd be dead 1,000 times over and seriously does anyone have a cigarette and a goddamn lighter? shirtless and sad but she's still the baddest bitch you could ever have. Two fun facts about her she has 6 toes on her left foot and her favorite conspiracy theory is that everything will turn out ok. Nobody knows what to do with her and and I just think that's beautiful.
I woke up with a kinked neck and I instantly thought of her. My long neck bowlegged ass bitch and she is nothing but perfection. Hmm what's her story? Maybe mid 40s no kids and only smokes when she's sad. She smokes a pack of day. She has a kinked neck cause she was rushed to decide what life was and it all got to heavy but she never dropped the load.. Her result? An addiction to probably more than she knows but let us just say the obvious; botox, nicotine, shoes and how about Twinkies. Tweaking Twinkie whore. I am so in love with you. Her hair dye has been in way to long and she lost her top but who cares when you've already lost your mind. One of my favorite color schemes I have picked to date and I'm so honored to share this piece with yall.
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The time I put into this piece is wildly inappropriate for the sheer simplicity it holds... I must say I am so proud of the result. I feel I've perfectly captured those midnight munchie looks, or when you are angry and your clothes get caught on something or when I think of eating at the pool. Or that weird phase of feelings when you're not holding on to old feelings you just haven't found any new ones yet. I thought of this moment in a reaction to being overwhelmed and starved. To be able to just take my things and go is so powerful. So simple... i somehow can't master it so I paint it and paint it again in so many different ways in way to many homes.
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Immersed by media and drowned in the feelings of other people what is left but a silly, silly girl. A melting pot of agony and hope. I don't remember wanting to be anything when I grew up. I wanted only for moments to last a little longer than they seemed to, like tv. If my words where more than just that they'd crawl out of my mouth like people. In another dimension In another world this is me begging for your attention.
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Today I watched in awe as a shooting star came. at first the wishes poured out for attention more fame. for money and objects for things that i should want i looked back at the time then the list shifted to the harder to flaunt. At first the list was material I could feel it in my hand all of the things people care about for which i never cared to understand. I know what I would wish for and its not a list easily shown. I wished for bravery and only discomfort came. they said bravery only comes when you stop being the same...thats when reality stood up and danced with a star or two. they laughed at how wrong we were.
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The emotions I feel when looking at this make me want to die in the happiest of ways. This piece makes me feel like I am waiting for something that will never happen. 60 messages, 20 calls, 15 tags and countless notifications.. next day, great silence. The birthday was over. She was over and dead never got to see her over easy eggs. Note this is not a stretched canvas it is a flat canvas board and I added a 3D birthday banner on door that comes off the canvas.
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This painting started off very different. For instance..her head was attached when I started. I tend to think those are the pieces I love most. The ones that take you different places in your brain while you're creating. The yellow 3D flowers surrounding her are my favorite part of this one (besides her thick ass) I always like to add warmth in paintings and the bright but calming flowers make me want to be where she is. Headless and dead but the view would've taken your breathe away if you had been alive to see it anyway. Cheers to her for holding herself up regardless of being alive or dead. She is a woman, duh. Livin in gold stained in glass lost her head but still has a fat ass.
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I find it is always easier to escape a life you don't want than to build a life you love. It is no coincidence this piece is set in an escape room. I feel most people will look at this and see 3 girls trapped being controlled by hands that are so not their own. Maybe for you that is what you see. I see that too but maybe they walked in sat down and tied themselves to strings that lead to anything they want. To be so confident that you give everything to something else knowing you are that something else just not yet...wow. I also don't see the strings in a negative way. Sure you can't escape them but without them there wouldn't be a room, a space, a life to escape from. That is the real tragedy...to have never been anything at all. Or maybe it isn't a tragedy. How do you know what you don't have if you don't have it? Would you even care? Why do you want something that you have never had in hopes of this feeling that you don't know will happen because it has yet to happen? Can any human in this form ever comprehend that anyway? When you are used to the kind of life- of never getting anything you want- you stop knowing what it is you want. That is why I do art. The feeling of knowing what i wanted to create stays long after the moment of creation is gone.
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This girl introduced me to a new swag. She is powerful & unseen. Nobody thinks those things can go together but nobody is me. I remember when I seen her for the first time. I was counting money late one night. The smell of money made me think of the smell of power & the taste of color. It all clicked when she came to me."Fuck the crystals grab your ski mask and a glock meet me out front." This is my only canvas that is resined and I did the purposely. This is the only piece that deserves to shine with a lil help.
to put something of yourself into your work. to do something with passion, love and devotion whilst leaving a piece of yourself there. Meraki is a word i am all to familiar with. Some people are artist. Some, themselves, are art. Nothing I do is little even though this painting stands 11 inches tall it is my biggest creation and it will never stand alone. To a great mind, nothing is little.
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Why does she look like she only eats slim jim’s & does push ups in the Wendy’s bathroom? This was the piece that founded my newer style. I think the colors and her teeth are my favorite part. Maybe her toes too. I wanted to keep this one colorful but simple in the way the colors enter the canvas. To say this piece sparked something in me is an understatement. I created her and I cant stop admiring and wanting to unfold more versions of her. The way her eyes stare at me I knew she was forever.
How many people am I? Who am I? What is this space between myself and myself? Why have one face when you can be anyone you want whenever you want? I'm not the first person to think of this and you can ask the many millions of people that wear many different faces. This acrylic painting couldn't have turned out more perfect to me. I wanted to capture the bent neck to symbolize the heaviness of being alive. While it can be fun to create new personas and dress up your life or dress it down. Life gets heavy.
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I wonder how many people i have looked at all my life and never really seen. I wonder how many times i have done it to myself. This is a painting about when your heart is too big for your body, so you let it go. We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily we do not need to learn it.I decided on one solid background color for her for the reason that when you are so full of love all the colors feel the same. Imagine what it would be like to feel color on your skin. She loves herself and it is the most beautiful of things. I would bend over backwards to see my own ass and pick myself flowers to watch my face smile. I will be anything I need to be because I am everything I could ever want.
We'll never have today again...A simple truth.... I feel there is something beautiful coming even if its only the sun... I think of fields of sunflowers and your laugh and how the sun can never be compared to your smile.... I remember when the world broke in, to rip apart my soul, for years after that one event, I thought myself not whole.... I wanna get high with u in my room and i want it to rain..... I have a deeply hidden and inarticulate desire for something beyond the daily life... There are so many words I can form into little sentences describing what this painting makes me feel. And oh how she makes me feel so many things. Those are just a few that come to mind. I think a big part of life is forgiving yourself for all the things you are not and accepting who you are and the responsibility that you have to take yourself were you want to go. I usually have 3 things on my daily list. Smoke. Eat. Grow. The main reason is because I never planned on living this long... Where do i go from here?
I just remember coughing on a dab with my best friend and in a tiny hot flash I seen us naked in the desert. The next day I found a version of it in my mind that I wanted to draw. After I envisioned this and had it sketched all I thought was wow that dab was hot and so are we.
Painted In Black & White but my Women Made of Gold
This was such an inspirational piece to create in many different way. They are so rich. So divine in their own way. No one shape is better than the other. No women is more powerful than the other. No body is prettier or sexier than than the other.
